🌿 Revisit #9 — Me Tarzan, Me Comparing:
When the Grass Looks Greener (and Intimacy Starts to Die)
When the Grass Looks Greener (and Intimacy Starts to Die)
Comparison is emotional erosion.
It doesn’t begin with betrayal —
it begins with boredom, insecurity, loneliness, or distraction
that reaches for novelty instead of honesty.
Tarzan didn’t intend to drift.
He wasn’t hunting for “better.”
He was searching for the version of himself
that didn’t feel so stuck, so misunderstood, or so disconnected.
But what he didn’t understand was this:
When attention wanders, trust fractures.
When trust fractures, intimacy collapses.
Jane wasn’t just hurt that he noticed someone else —
she was wounded because he stopped noticing her.
🌸 What Jane Was Really Feeling
Jane didn’t feel threatened by the other person —
she felt threatened by the loss of connection.
Comparison made her feel:
Unchosen.
Unwanted.
Uninteresting.
Unbeautiful.
Unenough.
Her mind spiraled into the darkest corners:
“What does she have that I don’t?”
“Why isn’t he looking at me that way anymore?”
“What did I do to lose him?”
She wasn’t jealous.
She was grieving —
mourning the version of them where she felt secure, desired, and central.
She didn’t want to compete.
She wanted to matter.
🌿 What Tarzan Was Really Feeling
Tarzan wasn’t comparing because he wanted someone else —
he was comparing because he didn’t recognize himself anymore.
The attention he drifted toward wasn’t even about the other person —
it was about the reflection:
“Someone sees me.”
“Someone smiles at me.”
“Someone notices me without judgment.”
“Someone makes me feel alive again.”
He wasn’t looking for a new love.
He was looking for a new feeling.
But while he was chasing that spark,
he didn’t realize he was dimming Jane’s.
Tarzan wasn’t cheating —
but he was disconnecting.
And that wound cuts just as deep.
🌿 Where the Communication Clogged
Jane sensed the comparison long before there was evidence.
Women always do.
Tarzan denied noticing anything different.
Men always do.
She feared confronting him.
He feared admitting anything uncomfortable.
Two hearts in hiding.
One betrayal that wasn’t physical —
but emotional.
The silence around the comparison
hurt more than the comparison itself.
🌿 How It Could Have Gone Differently
What Tarzan could have said:
“I’ve been feeling disconnected and vulnerable.
I’m not seeking someone else —
I’m trying to feel seen again.
I need us.”
What Jane could have said:
“When your attention drifts, it scares me.
Not because I don’t trust you —
but because I miss being the one you look at.”
What they both needed:
A conversation about emotional boredom
Rebuilding safety through curiosity
Mutual reassurance
Rekindling playfulness and desire
Naming insecurities instead of acting them out
Reconnecting through shared vulnerability
Comparison is a symptom.
Disconnection is the disease.
🌿 Series 3 Intimacy Insight
People don’t drift toward “better.”
They drift toward “attention.”
Toward “easy.”
Toward “seen.”
If a couple rebuilds presence and curiosity at home,
the grass stops looking greener anywhere else.
🌴 Jungle Laugh:
“Tarzan had one thought. Jane had seventeen. Both were correct.”
🔗 Navigation:
← Revisit #8 -Me Jane, Me Exhausted
→ Revist #10 - Me Jane, Me Doubting