🌿 Revisit #7 — Me Tarzan, Me Avoidant:
The Silence That Grows When Fear Wins Over Connection
The Silence That Grows When Fear Wins Over Connection
Avoidance isn’t laziness.
It’s fear dressed in silence.
It looks like apathy,
feels like distance,
and lands like rejection —
but beneath it is a heart terrified of saying the wrong thing,
asking the wrong question,
or discovering a truth it doesn’t know how to fix.
That’s where Tarzan lived in this chapter:
not uncaring,
but unskilled.
Not indifferent,
but afraid.
And while he was tiptoeing around the truth,
Jane was slowly collapsing under the weight of all the questions he never asked.
🌸 What Tarzan Was Really Feeling
Tarzan noticed Jane dimming.
He saw her quieting.
He felt her slipping away emotionally.
But every time he thought about asking,
“Are you okay?”
his chest tightened.
Because what if the answer was something he didn’t know how to handle?
What if she was hurting… and he was the cause?
What if her truth demanded change he felt unprepared to give?
Avoidance wasn’t disrespect —
it was panic.
He told himself:
“She’ll tell me if it’s serious.”
“It’s probably nothing.”
“If I ask, I might make it worse.”
But unasked questions become unspoken wounds.
🌿 What Jane Was Really Feeling
Jane didn’t need Tarzan to solve her heart —
she needed him to NOTICE it.
His avoidance wasn’t neutral.
It felt like emotional abandonment.
Like her pain was invisible.
Like she wasn’t worth the emotional effort.
She wasn’t asking for grand gestures —
just curiosity.
Just presence.
Just one brave question that said:
“You matter enough for me to lean in.”
But nothing came.
And the silence became a canyon.
She began asking herself:
“If he really loved me, wouldn’t he want to know how I’m doing?”
Her loneliness grew louder than his silence.
🌿 Where the Communication Clogged
Tarzan feared he couldn’t handle the truth.
Jane feared she was the truth he couldn’t handle.
Tarzan avoided.
Jane overthought.
Avoidance and insecurity danced together —
and intimacy paid the price.
Their hearts were trying to connect
but their fears were louder than their words.
🌿 How It Could Have Gone Differently
What Tarzan could have said:
“I’m scared to ask what’s wrong because I don’t want to fail you…
but I want to understand.
Tell me what you’re carrying.”
What Jane could have said:
“I don’t need fixing —
I need you to see me.
Check in with me, even if I seem quiet.”
What they both needed:
Courage over comfort
Curiosity instead of assumption
A weekly emotional check-in
Normalizing hard questions
Affirming that truth is not a threat
Replacing avoidance with presence
Avoidance protects the avoider
but wounds the partner.
🌿 Series 3 Intimacy Insight
Avoidance is the slowest poison in a marriage.
Not because it’s loud —
but because it steals connection without ever raising its voice.
Closeness requires courage.
You cannot hold someone’s heart
if you’re too scared to reach for it.
🌴 Jungle Laugh:
“Tarzan heard ‘We need to talk’ and immediately climbed the nearest tree.”
🔗 Navigation:
← Revisit #6- Me Jane, Me Numbing
→ Revist #8 - Me Jane, Me Exhausted